Betrayal

Tonight, in part resulting from the machinations of someone I once considered to be a neutral acquaintance - if not a friend - a relationship that was profoundly important to me was sabotaged and irreparably harmed.

I'm a passionate guy, and I enjoy an element risk in my daily life. Sometimes I've carried that too far, however, and played fast and loose with the rules, or other people's feelings.

Most times I've righted my ship before it could sink, though occasionally - such as with doping in sport - only smashing against the rocky shore of life ended an otherwise cursed voyage.

In this instance, however, I was truly trying to do right by my friend, only to have another "friend" manipulate the situation with tragic results. Because of my own strained credibility, I couldn't even talk my way out of this fuck-up.

I once tried to explain away having cheated at sport by quipping that "people make mistakes," only to have it thrown back in my face by someone accusing me of being sociopathic. Ugh. While Burt Hoovis would probably argue the same ( that I was sociopathic), this is another example of how doping will fuck up your life outside of sport. Not only do I have to deal with scary hate mail from people like Mike Droopkin, I've also put myself into the position of not being able to convey the true, legitimate motivation for my actions.

A loyal friend once told me, "Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear." True true.

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