Tuesday, July 28, 2009

How to Wear a Cycling Cap & some Rules of the Euro Cyclist

"15. When riding, sans helmet (with short hair), a team issue cycling cap (white in colour), shall be worn. The bill shall remain in the downward position at all times. The cycling cap may be worn forwards or backwards to coincide with the specifics of one’s current hairstyle. During spring training, cycling toques shall be worn at all times in place of caps."

As noted above, there are only two acceptable placements of a cotton cycling cap (exception when hat is worn under helmet during inclement weather, which must include sustained rain showers):
  • Brim facing forward, with cap worn high on head.

  • Brim facing rearward, with cap still worn high on head.
Under no circumstances should cap be pulled down onto head such that the hat band comes within 2cm of the top of your ear! It should be perched precariously on top at all times, in danger of being blown away like a wispy climber on Mt. Ventoux...

See photo below for example of proper rearward-brim facing cap position.

More Rules of the Euro Cyclist:


Created by Dom Guiver and Mike Flavell

1. Image and style shall be the primary concerns of the Euro Cyclist. When suffering, one must focus first on maintaining a cool, even composure and second on performance. Winning races is an added talent, and only counts if said Euro Cyclist wins with appropriate style.

2. Training shall be based solely on feel, while racing shall be guided by sensations and instinct: that is to say, “soul.” The Euro Cyclist will never accept tried or tested scientific training methods.

3. The Euro Cyclist shall NEVER, under any circumstances, wear plain black spandex bibs (shorts, regardless of colour are BANNED) or ANY team kit
containing non-prominent logos. Shorts will extend approximately 2/3rds of the way down the upper leg and will contain a compression band at the bottom (distinct in colour). In NO CONDITION shall they extend any further!

4. Legs shall be SHAVED year-round. ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS. Certain hair removal creams are endorsed only on a case-by-case basis. One shall never show up to a race (be it large or small) with ANY amount of stubble visible on one’s legs.

5. A prominent line where one’s kit ends and where one’s deep tan begins is essential to one's image. Artificial tanning is BANNED. The tan shall reflect the level of training commitment.

6. The socks of the Euro Cyclist shall extend to within two (2) cm. of the main bulge of the calf muscle, and shall never extend further than one (1) cm. past said primary calf muscle bulge. All socks SHALL BE WHITE in colour with prominent logo placement.

7. Cycling shoes shall contain at least 80% white!
The following exceptions apply:
i) Colour combinations such as world cup stripes or Olympic gold for which the title has been EARNED.
ii) Shoes which are custom-made for specific riders by companies endorsed by this group. These shoes shall be accessible to the particular cyclist only, and shall follow the preceding rules.

8. If white cycling shoes are not available where the Euro Cyclist resides, white booties (or “shoe covers”) with prominent logos shall ALWAYS be worn. When booties are worn, socks shall protrude approximately seven (7) cm. above the ankle, and shall always protrude at a minimum one (1) cm. from any booties worn.

9. One’s bike frame shall contain between two (2) and four (4) colours IN ADDITION TO WHITE. All colours are acceptable as long as they combine tastefully and elegantly. In addition, wheel selection must also match frame and fork.

10. One shall race only on Campagnolo Boras or Lightweights. Fulcrum Racing One, Corima Aero+ or Zipp (404 or 202) wheelsets are considered stylish enough to be used as training wheels ONLY. Irregardless, ceramic bearings shall be used at ALL TIMES on both training and race bikes.

11. ALL wheels shall be equipped with tubulars, regardless of one’s ability in gluing them.

12. Ridiculously stylish eyewear (see endorsed products list) is to be worn AT ALL TIMES without exception. Glasses are to be worn over helmet straps at all times.

13. Hair shall be kept neatly short, and matching helmet shall be worn (again with prominent logo placement). The helmet shall be predominantly white. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES shall a clashing helmet colour be worn with one’s euro kit. Helmets are not to be worn when venturing indoors AT ANY TIME. It is, however, acceptable to wear one’s helmet while outdoors on a patio (see rule 34).

14. In certain RARE cases, it shall be deemed acceptable to have long hair. In this event, hair shall be neatly slicked back in a severely euro style, and helmet SHALL NOT be worn. It is IMPERATIVE that rule 12 is followed in these special instances...

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  1. you ride without a helmet? why? hoping you fall and split your skull?

  2. great post. Lots of good info for the Gay cyclist

  3. Why the anonymous hate? I think the Euro-pro rules are hilarious, but if you dislike them so much you shouldn't even be here, yet the fact that you drop anonymous is laughable and actually increases the entertainment value of this blog. Good job!

  4. SCHUMACHER IS BACK!!!!!!.....& anonymous pussy post ...go the fuck away

  5. um, ok. why are you then posting anon and telling others to go away?

  6. SCHUMACHER IS BACK anonymous: Do you need a hug?

  7. Nice. Great to see this post gets the most anon comments.

  8. oh, btw: my standard response to hate-filled anonymous comments is to ignore them, because they are worthless and without merit. If you, Anon, want to attempt to hurt my feelings you should at least identify yourself, because otherwise, you paint yourself like a silly little coward who can't man-up and speak face-to-face to even the check-out girl at Wal-Mart.

  9. I do not hang out at Wal mart very much maybe I should check it out!!!!! You think the girls will talk to me? Thanks for the advice you are the best

  10. Anon - 30 July, 2009 06:23 - you weak, poseur! Without your name, no one will be able to give a reasoned answer as to whether or not the girls will talk to you. But probably not...cunt.

  11. but you are a girl and you are taking to me so that is a start right? Have a great day sweety xxxxxooooo

  12. This is brilliant for its mediocrity - and I'm not just talking about my writing, my cycling career, my car, house, wardrobe or friends.

  13. You are all a bunch of pathetic wankers...posting shit anonymously. Wussies.

  14. so wesley snipes didn't know what he was doing in "white men can't jump"? http://img5.allocine.fr/acmedia/medias/nmedia/18/66/80/77/18956367.jpg

  15. I'm just curious about this, first of all. I'm inclined not to take the cycling cap bit seriously, but it wouldn't surprise me if some European convention came up with these very specific hat wearing rules, hahaha. Is it real? If so, that's so great!

  16. Thanks for the invaluable advice! I realise it's a little old so maybe an updated article is required?

    Great read, cheers


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