Friday, June 04, 2010

UPDATED: Boonen Implicated in New Form of Motodoping!

Pappillon just received the following photograph and text from a friendly rival in the news media. "In addition to Cancellara's scandal the cycling world is shocked by another issue. We have received an info leak from a trustworthy source that the top sprinter Tom Boonen who rides under the colours of Pro Tour team Quick Step is also using unlawful means of powering his Eddy Merckx bike. Seems that the FFWD F5R [wheels] have a built-in hamster wheel, with what Boonen can use an extra power for sprints to the finish line.


In normal racing conditions the hamster is sleeping inside the rim. When the special button is being pressed, a carrot will be lowered into the vision zone of the animal. After that the effort put in by the hamster will increase the speed of the bike about another 5km/h according to the size of the carrot. Seems that the system is working, because the man is unusually successful. Is any other cyclist using this clever invention is not yet to be discovered."

UPDATE: Boonen has ALSO been accused of electro-motodoping, with this spy-video showing the Belgian pre-race testing the electro-motodoped bike: http://www.vimeo.com/1176776.

12 comments:

  1. I have video evidence of said Quick Step rider and a teammate using an electric motor on their bicycles.

    ReplyDelete
  2. We'll pay $5000MM [MM = Monopoly Money] for the exclusive rights to the video!

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  3. The onus is now on Patrick Lefevre and Quickstep to release a press statement denying the use of hamsters.

    And of course the UCI will need to come up with a credible test. Maybe a cat?

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  4. Do you hear that, Pat Mac and Pat Leffe?! Let us know that your riders are hamster-free, and that the UCI is looking into the nefarious practice of hamster-powered motodoping!

    ReplyDelete
  5. But are the hampsters doped as well?

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  6. I am the hamster and I must say it's very hot in here

    ReplyDelete
  7. Look at the sock... That's an Autobot logo. He's a robot! (I'll be at the D&D forums if anyone needs me)

    ReplyDelete
  8. No Hamsters were harmed in the promotion of this satire.

    Official Statement from Pappillion Legal Department.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Pay up. http://www.vimeo.com/11767760

    ReplyDelete
  10. JesusCristo! Tommeke ALSO electro-motodoped?!?! The dream is dead! http://www.vimeo.com/11767760

    ReplyDelete
  11. If pro cycling wasn't the arsehole of sport before, it is now. All that's left is for the head of the UCI to be caught in a hidden camera video cavorting with Nazi call-girls.

    Funny nonetheless, and cheers - good scoop.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh, and this is Tommeke - where do my lawyers send the legal papers to please?

    ReplyDelete

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