Real-life FAQ - What kind of Clients do You Have to Deal With that This Enters Your FAQ?

"If you have a problem with anything we are more than happy to help you. But if you choose to call me a Punk in an e mail, or call and say some 'DICK' messed up my order, I will just laugh and delete it or hang up. Some people don't have the patience to let us help them."

Q: "Do you have Japanese Naval Paratrooper uniforms in size 58 X-short? How 'bout a Damascus dagger for $100? Come on, you sure you don't have one hiding in the back somewhere??"
A: Use your heads people. We get seriously nutty requests all the time. If it's not on the site, we don't do it! Many characters seem to think that we have a special hoard of hard-to-find or super rare items that we forget to advertise, but if they hassle us enough, we'll give in and share the treasure. We may be rude, but we aren't stupid.

Q: Why does your FAQ sound so obnoxious?
A: For some reason, helmets seem to inspire or mesmerize people in ways that other militaria does not. Some guys lose all sense of logic and reason when it comes to "their helmet". "Their helmet" is the only one in the world, the last of a dying breed and it should be treated with distinction. It is more important than their children, pets or Playboy collection. The only thing that can dislodge "their helmet" from it's exalted perch is..... a new helmet. Basically, many otherwise rational humans go ape-shit (kind of like teenage boys after their first grope) and act like complete nitwits if they think that their helmet is in any sort of danger for a split second. Dealing with this temporary psychosis has resulted in our semi-draconian helmet policies.

Q: "I want a perfect specimen, with no dings, blemishes or wear of any kind. I do not understand why you morons don't have anything less than pristine specimens. That's what I WANT and the customer is always right. Don't you inbreds know that???"
A: Nearly all of these have dings or small dents. We have complained bitterly to Reichminister Speer's office, but have as yet to receive satisfaction. There is no reason that a military helmet should acquire any imperfection over such a short period as 55 or 60 years.

Until Mr. Speer gives us an answer, we'll have to resign ourselves to the sad fact, boys and girls, that these are original steel helmets, that happened to go through something called a "war". Now, since many of you don't seem to comprehend just what a "war" is, let us give you a very basic idea. People from different countries, do their utmost to hurt each other very badly... sometimes they even kill each other. They use a variety of devices, including guns, cannons, bombs, chemicals (nasty ones), and occasionally they still throw rocks. Helmets are used to protect the participants' (soldiers') skulls from damage from flying metal, debris, bricks, stones, tree limbs and sometimes parts of small animals or other participants. As one might imagine, with this many bad things flying around during a war, some evidence of use is inevitable.

Yes, we sound condescending. But after being lambasted by legions of crack smokers who think these things were stored in a padded vault, lovingly wrapped in shock-proof Teflon containers awaiting to be unsealed only when the discerning collectors beckoned, we're just a little jaded. These helmets are not heavily damaged, but a small ding or scrape is to be expected. OK?

Used with permission